Can you charge Bail?

As many of you know I use to work on this little show called Two and A Half Men… and anyone who has turned on a radio, TV, web browser in the last month has heard about the insane breakdown of a certain star… thought I’d share a little story about when I was sent to break into his house… So for a giggle, here is a blog from a couple years ago...

Can you charge Bail?
February 21, 2006

Working in production I've had to do many a strange thing over the years. Everything from pulling everything green out of a stars flower arrangements to Fed-Exing pickles and Diet Red Bull to the Bahamas every other week. But Sunday takes the cake. Sunday afternoon I was woken up from a much-needed nap by a frantic phone call. Turns out the courier service at work accidentally delivered a couple of scripts to Mr. Hot Shot’s house, scripts that were supposed to go to our director. Normally this wouldn't be too big of a deal, but these were advance scripts of our show that weren't supposed to go out to begin with. Of course the normal thing would have been to just call him, tell him what had happened, and send a new courier to retrieve them. But no, my paranoid boss needed them to be retrieved without him knowing about it. So thanks to his assistant’s help I set off to Encino, armed with the security codes to break into his property to retrieve these scripts from his kitchen counter before he realizes he has them. Sounds simple right? And only just a tad illegal…

The first dilemma was what was I to wear? Do I go in all black in my stealth spy get-up? Or maybe my sweatpants that I was already wearing? Nah I thought it best to get a little sex-ed up, after all if he finds me snooping around his back yard looking for the scripts then I might as well get ready to flirt my way out of the situation! After all he’s a notorious rake so that may work to my advantage…

So up to Encino I went, on my quest, the mission impossible theme in my head the entire way. Luckily for me my adventure didn't end up with a trip to jail for stalking, it ended in the driveway of the ouse. The couriers really screwed up and instead of putting it in the back like they usually do, I found it in the mailbox. So even though I might have looked like a deranged fan going through his mail I at least wasn't picked up for stalking. The adrenaline finally stopped rushing through my head as I pulled away. YES I pulled it off!!! So next time you need a little reconnaissance mission to a celebrities house you will know who to call, Me- Warner Brother’s Angel

The Woman VS The Bitch

When I was 18 I had my whole life mapped out for me- at 27 I’d meet the man of my dreams, move in & get engaged a year later at 28, at 29 I’d get married and at 30 I would have made my first million and pop out my first kid… When I was 21 I moved to LA and was just as ambitious, if not more. I knew I’d make my first million in that decade and was willing to do anything and everything it took to make it happen (shy of participating in the casting “couch” of course!). I got hired on a succession of films and TV shows, working 16 hour days and loved every moment of it. I managed to work nights, get up early in the morning to surf and still have energy for a full day of work after that. And then my career hit a snag, I took a gamble and left the very successful hit TV show that I worked on for an opportunity to move up on a Film. But after that film was over I ended up out of work for the first time in my adult life, and I didn’t like those unemployment payments very much. In the last couple of years I’ve worked as much as I could, a TV show here and there, a pilot or two, a few films, some workout videos, a little reality TV but nothing has been too stable and I’ve managed to blow through my nest egg, reached 30 not only without my million but with no savings and an apartment that was sublet. The problem with having had some time off the last couple of years is it’s changed my priorities. I’m older, those 16 hour days are too much for me especially when I’m not use to them anymore. The 2 ½ hour commutes to most of the studios kills me, especially with my gas guzzling SUV. But most importantly I don’t have what it takes to make it, I’m not ruthless. The entertainment industry is very much a dog eat dog world. You don’t make it to the top being the nice guy; you make it by stepping on everyone on your way up, especially as a female. And I sadly have that nice gene when it comes to work. I’m very much like my father and have an insane work ethic that has both gotten me where I am today but also hindered me from getting further up in the chain. This week was a perfect example… I had to make a decision on a job by Thursday morning, and it’s a good job, one that I will enjoy but it’s not the job that I really wanted. The job that I really wanted I was interviewing for on Friday. It was a big step up, on a series that would enable me to have work through fall… everyone told me to just accept the first job, interview for the 2nd and if I got it then drop out of the first. Seems simple enough. Except I couldn’t do it. Once I give my word I can’t go back on it… it’s a fault I have. Instead I did the safe thing, I couldn’t risked ending up without either jobs so I took a job as an assistant coordinator on two back to back pilots for Warner Brother. Do I regret that decision to give up on the job I really wanted, yes. Do I think that maybe I made a mistake, yes. Would I make that same decision again if I could, sadly yes on that one too. Part of it is that I have seen that no one here in Hollywood has any loyalty, and I’ve always thought that my crazy loyalty was something that would set me apart… and it has. I’ve gotten most of my jobs based on word of mouth and recommendations from people I’ve worked with. And I’m sure I will get more based on that… but at the same time I have to ask myself is this what I really want? Do I want to just be the nice little guppy amongst the school of sharks? Or Maybe it’s time to either put on my big girl teeth and take a bite out of my competition or just stop swimming… But if I just stop swimming, then what?

RIP G

People often ask me, what does D do for a living? And I always have to pause a bit before I tell them… Um, Rocket Scientist. And needless to say they are surprised. If they’ve known me since before D and I dated then they known the endless amount of losers that I’ve dated- unemployed actors/writers/models, stunt men, professional jet skiers, bartenders even a stripper (though at the time I didn’t know that was what he did for a living!). Though if they are newer acquaintances they still are equally surprised because I’m not quite the girl you would imagine a rocket scientist with… for one I’m a typical Californian blonde. And I don’t mean that as an insult to blondes but we all know what a reputation us blondes get. Add to that the fact I’m more of a free spirit, I work in film and TV, I love yoga and surfing way too much, I’m always into every latest green crazy or organic diet frenzy. And without doubt if you see me I will always have a hair out of place, a snag on my clothes and of course a stain somewhere! Nothing that would scream Rocket Scientist Material… but for us it somehow works. Of course D is always reminding me he’s not exactly a Rocket Scientist; he’s an Aerospace Engineer… well Google that term and up comes Rocket Scientist. And last week I got to experience just how, for lack of better words, awesome he really is. I was able to attend a Rocket launch for an environmental satellite that he built, G.

We got to attend a NASA briefing where I actually was able to know what this project was that he worked on, most of his projects I can’t know more of what he’s doing than what time he goes to work and comes home! We were able to attend a reception (IE Free Drinks!) in honor of the launch, and even got to see a slideshow that had pictures of him building the satellite, and in his Spacesuit (HOT!). And we finally got to wait in a uber cold field at 2 in the morning waiting for the launch… sadly there was a communication problem with the Rocket and we didn’t get to witness the launch. It was postponed till today… and even sadder I have to report to this morning’s launch didn’t go to well and that poor G is now swimming in the South Pacific. Luckily the problems were nothing to do with the satellite, but the actual rocket. So in this instance it is good he was not the actual Rocket Scientist that I believe him to be… though still sad that his work will not get to go into space. But even if G didn’t make it into orbit, it’s still pretty neat that this is what my boyfriend does… And something that makes me unbelievably proud of him! And maybe there was no launch last week when we were there, but we did get a romantic 2 days away, a cheesy B&B and a day to just bum around Santa Barbara! Doesn’t take a Rocket Scientist to figure out just how perfect that was…

Not my Grandma’s Stuffed Cabbage.

After making Veggie Tacos this week I ended up with half a head of cabbage. Now most people aren’t fond of this stinky bitter veggie, I on the other hand LOVE IT… always have. Growing up one of my favorite meals was my mom’s (and grandmom’s) stuffed cabbage. Though that recipe calls for an entire head of cabbage, so I decided to experiment a little bit with it by throwing in some of the taco mix I had made- a shredded blend of cabbage, carrots and radishes. And shockingly it came out great, and according to Dan (and my tummy) even better than my mom’s! So here is my accidental but better than Grandma’s Stuffed Cabbage Casserole.

Ingredients:
- 1 Whole head of Cabbage
- ½ cup Raw Rice
- 1 cup water
- 4 Carrots
- 5 Radishes
- 1/2 Onion
- 1 pound lean ground beef- Preferably grass feed
- 2 cloves of Garlic
- 1 Can (14-oz) Tomato Sauce- No salt or sugar added
- 1 Can (14-0z) Diced Tomatoes- No salt added
- 1 Tomato
- 1 Tablespoon Oregano
- 1 Cup Dry Red Wine
- Salt and Pepper to Taste


1) Add Rice & Water into a pot or rice cooker. Cook Rice until it’s just a tad under cooked. Set aside to cool.
2) While rice is cooling shred and mix together- Carrots, Radishes & ½ head of cabbage. I found it’s easiest to just slice them with a food processor so they are all of the same thickness and looks like a coleslaw mix. Put in separate bowl.
3) Chop remaining ½ head of lettuce into thicker pieces. Set aside into separate bowl.
4) Chop Onion, 1 clove of garlic, tomato and Oregano then mix together with ground beef and rice. Salt & Pepper can be added here for flavor, but personally I don’t cook with either and it came out great.
5) For sauce: In a small bowl stir together Tomato Sauce, Diced Tomatoes, Red Wine and 1 clove of garlic.
6) In order to combine everything you will need a medium sized square baking dish. Spray the inside of it with Cooking Spray and you are ready to begin your Cabbage Casserole. Pour a small layer of sauce on the bottom. On top of it put a thin layer of cabbage, then a layer of the meat/rice mix, more sauce and then begin again with another layer of cabbage. Keep alternating until you are out of mix. The last two layers will be the Cabbage Slaw mix and then pour the rest of the sauce over it.
7) Bake, covered, in a 350 degree oven for 50-60 min until it is starting to boil. Uncover and cook roughly another 20 min or until the top layer of Cabbage Slaw is nice and crispy.

Serve alone or over Mashed Potatoes… and of course with a nice bottle of red wine!

The Imporance of The Perfect Match

This week I spent a night having taco night with two old friends…we had some fantastic carne aside tacos (Trader Joes you sure know your business with spiced meat!), a couple of bottles of wine and sat down to write a friends online dating profile. In this day and age it’s hard to find someone over the age of 25 who hasn’t tried online dating. At 25 I would have thought it creepy and desperate to troll the internet looking for my perfect match… at 31 I think it’s one of the few ways in which you can actually find your perfect match. And I’m not ashamed to say I too have tried online dating in my single years, and maybe not to too much success- but I always had a good time and it’s all about increasing your odds. The more you play the dating game the more likely you are to find that perfect match. And so we sat there, 3 women over the age of 30 and wrote an online profile. During that time we talking a lot about dating, what we all want in a relationship, want in a man, wanted for that first date… and it got me a little nostalgic for that time in a relationship when you have those first date butterflies… when you believe that maybe this guy will be the one. They laughed at me, and stated of course I can be nostalgic because there I was in one of the few healthy relationships they know. And it’s true. I do enjoy looking back on dating life with rose colored glasses remembering that nervous feeling waiting for that first kiss… because the truth of the matter is I have experienced my first last kiss. But no amount of previous butterflies can ever make me smile like I do when I think of that first last kiss… the memory of one summer night on the beach and a lifeguard tower. Or the smile I get when I think of our Valentine’s Day kiss on the beach in the exact same spot a year and a half later. Or when I look at the picture he had framed of us from a wedding last year- caught mid-kiss on the dance floor. Or the huge smile and butterflies I get thinking of that next first kiss we get to have in front of all our family and friends someday… because sometimes a last will open up a lifetime of firsts.

One girl... One boy... a little tiff and one pesky screw!

Sometimes you need to step away from a problem in order to see a solution… but what happens when you are living in tight quarters and the furthest you can get away from a problem is 50 feet into the other room?

Last week D and I had a simple misunderstanding… well would have been simple minus the fact that I tend to get a little emotional at times. So the simply misunderstanding turned into a full blown tiff by the end of Saturday night. Now I think it’s normal for couples to argue, in fact I think it’s downright unhealthy if you don’t ever disagree. And D and I are better than most when we do argue, only about once every couple months do we actually have a full blown fight and when we do there aren’t any raised voices or angry words. We usually just talk it through, after I cry a little (ok a lot)… and somehow end up on the other side of it a stronger couple. But let me get back to Saturday night. There we were, stuck at an impasse, both of us had said what we had to say, all my tears had been shed and both stuck in our tiny little apartment. I hate to go to sleep angry or upset, so we sat there and just talked… and talked… and talked. Luckily it was just a little tiff and before we knew it we had talked it out, hugged it out and made up. But more than the talking it out, we really just needed to take a step away from the problem for a bit. And eventually we did, falling asleep both happy with our resolution, or really or non-resolutions. And you know what, for once just letting it go actually worked. We both woke up Sunday morning refreshed, and you remember that pesky little screw that was stuck in our wall? Apparently one of the tricks I tried to get it out managed to drill a nice little opening in that screw, and after a few nights of just letting that project rest D was able to easily remove both screws out of the wall… Now of course there are two little holes (ok maybe not so little) in the wall but with a little putty everything will be back to normal. And that kind of sums up D and my relationship, no matter what kind of little holes may end up in it, no matter how many screws will get stuck in the end just a little time, some team effort and a bit of patch work and it’s good as new….and maybe even a little better!

Mango Papaya Salsa... oh my!

As a New Year Resolution (one of the MANY) I’ve decided to simplify my cooking… it has been pointed out to me (Ahem, D!) that I have a tendency to go overboard with elaborate meals. Turns out when you are on funemployment and don’t have much to do with your day it is quite nice to try new things and spend the afternoon cooking. It kind of makes it seem like I have a “job” even if the job is just being a house-girlfriend. Though all afternoon cooking has made me pack on some pounds and left me in tears more than once when my cooking was a complete failure. So in order to try and burn off those pounds and not turning into a blubbering mess I’m trying to only try 1 or 2 new recipes a week. All uber healthy and all using fresh fruits and veggies. Last night’s dinner was simple- Salad with Chicken and Salsa. Though the chicken is a blackened chicken breast made with an amazing mesquite BBQ Rub and the salsa is a mango/papaya salsa made from a mix of 3 different recipes, ok maybe not so simple after all! Now I had forgotten on simple fact- the only way I’ve ever had mangos or papayas are in a smoothie or in gelato, but really how hard can they be to find and chop? But first I needed to find out what exactly a mango and papaya looked like! Thanks to D and our trusty Whole Foods I easily found 2 ripe tropical fruits, and thanks to one of my trusty cookbooks I was able to find out exactly how to peel, slice and dice those fruits… or so I thought. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to cut into a mango, but I had been told “just cut into its checks, cut the inside into little pieces and peel away the flesh”… sounds easy enough. Except the mango had a consistency of a peach inside and no matter how much I tore into it with a knife, spoon or my own fingers it did not want to budge from its skin… so cut to 15 min later and with goopy mango all over my hands, counter, cutting board and face (who knows how it even got there!) I finally had my perfectly diced fruit and was on to the Papaya… now the papaya had the consistency of a melon, after I took out all the nasty seeds and I’m sure you can guess just how many of those seeds ended up in the trash can and how many ended up on the floor and various other places in the kitchen- I even found one of my leg when I showered! But I figured that if it’s like a melon I could just scoop out the fruit and then cut it. Ok not quite how the cookbook told me to do it, but shockingly it worked. And once I mixed those two fruits in with the already chopped and diced ingredients (thanks Mom for the fancy food processor for Christmas) I was in pure heaven… somehow I made the most wonderful Salsa EVER!!! And D even told me that the chicken turned out to be the most delicious chicken he’s ever tasted- new trick I found is to slice up oranges and lay them over the chicken breasts as they cook! Now add in my Caribbean style dress and the tropical Christmas lights I put on for the evening and we had our own romantic paradise here in the Beach Shack 

Please enjoy my special recipe for Hardt’s Tropical Salsa!

Ingredients:
1 Garlic Clove
¼ Sweet Purple Onion
¼ Mango
¼ Papaya
3 Ripe Med/Large Tomatoes
1 Jalapeño
2 Tablespoons Dried Cilantro (or ¼ cup chopped fresh Cilantro)
1 Tablespoon Olive Oil (Blood Orange or Tangerine infused if Possible)
1 Lime

Directions:

1) In Food Processor Mix together: Onion, Garlic, 1 ½ tomatoes, Cilantro, Jalapeño, Olive Oil and juice from 1 Lime. Pulse a few times until all mixed and chopped, and then transfer to a separate dish.
2) Chop by hand: Mango, Papaya and remaining Tomatoes. Combine with the Food Processor Mix. Additional Salt, Pepper, Olive Oil and Lime juice can be added to taste.
3) Open a cold beer and relax while the salsa marinates in the fridge for 30 min before you serve.